Dear Pilgrim,
I pray that this new day brings great things to you and your family. I pray that the weeks ahead give you patience to face the challenges ahead. At my end, I am learning to find patience to endure whatever it is I am facing and will face in the coming days, weeks, months and years. I am learning to look toward God, fully aware that He will give me understanding and clarity of my purpose in life. I want to be patient; knowing that he has not forgotten about me. Oh, yes, I am aware of his promises, I believe his promises, but I am still learning to demonstrate my awareness and belief in His promises for me. So let the “Judges” take care in making judgments about my spirituality and belief in God. Say AMEN to that!
I am learning to wait on God in the matter of being prayerful , thankful and praising God in advance for what is about to take place in my life. Isaiah 40:31: "Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” So I want to wait on God with a spirit of great expectations. “Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” (Romans 12:12)
And to you my brethren; particularly those faced with family challenges; those dealing with relationship problems, God wants you to be happy; God wants your family to be happy. The bible clearly tells us this in Jeremiah 29:11:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”
Pilgrim, today in our society, we are aware that there are many of us burdened by problems that take away our happiness. While we desire and seek happiness, let us remember that money, wealth and material things shouldn’t be the benchmark for happiness. For we know that there are many things in this world that can bring us temporary joy and happiness – plenty money, business success, good health, smiling family, large number of friends. But we know that no worldly thing can bring lasting joy and happiness. That’s because, we might become poor; we may lose our jobs; we can fail at business; we can become sick and lose our health, or, by separation or death, lose our partners, or spouse or our friends, and then the happiness that borders on any of those things will be gone. This tells us that life is far more valuable than possessing even all the world, but if we live a purely selfish life we will lose it.
In Matthew 10:39, Jesus taught: "He that findeth his life [life outside of God’s will] shall lose it: and he that loseth [look beyond worldly] his life for my sake shall find it". Clearly, Jesus wants his disciples to know an important truth about life and happiness. Denying [one] self, [of worldly things, material things] so as to believe and obey God is the way to life and happiness. The humble, selfless, teachable [apt and willing to learn] person who allows him/her to be disciplined by God’s word is the truly happy one - not the one who lives and or craves for wealth or for self! Let’s look again at the preceding sentence. In that sentence, we see that the first person is God-centered, and worships God; the second person is self-centered and in reality only worships self! Say AMEN to that!
Remember, throughout the Good Book, Jesus did not promise His disciples that they will sleep or walk on “bed of roses” or receive things on “silver platter.” Jesus promised his guidance, and help and producing peace of mind and true happiness in believing in the Words of God. By keeping our eyes on God, and by recognizing and appreciating the good things he has given us, we will experience inner peace and happiness in the knowledge that God is our Heavenly Father; that he loves us; cares for us and that no matter what circumstances we face, God’s plans for us are good.
What happiness do we then desire: temporary or enduring happiness?
Given what we have read in the Bible, and based on our experiences in life, we can say with confidence that large flow of cash gives temporary happiness, because while that cash flows, we become engrossed in acquiring more cash and ensuring that the flow continues without halt. However, when we depend on the cash for happiness, and that flow becomes disrupted, we lose our happiness. We also know that expensive and fancy cars can break down and become irreparable. If we hold on to that car for happiness, when it crashes, it carries with it our happiness. If we depend on our pocket to fulfill our roles in bringing harmony in our family, when our pockets become low or empty, we become sad and unhappy thereby bringing stress and unhappiness to our family. If our happiness in dependent on job; when we lose the job we then revert to being sad – what a state of zig-zag-ness! The fact is no condition is permanent.
On the other hand, if we appreciate God’s blessings - even the smallest good things in our lives, we will appreciate his love and then embrace happiness in our lives. We must recognize that God wants you and your family life to be happy. His Word, the Bible, provides guidelines for each family member; describing the role that God wants each one to play. When family members fulfill their roles in harmony with God’s guidance and direction, the results are very satisfying. Jesus said: “Happy are those hearing the word of God and keeping it!”—Luke 11:28. That’s because the more we hear something, the more we like it - it grows on us, and it takes over us.
Family happiness depends mainly on our recognizing that the family originates with God, the one Jesus called “Our Father.”(Matthew 6:9) Every family on earth exists because of our heavenly Father—and he certainly knows what makes families happy. (Ephesians 3:14, 15)
Let’s look at two bible verses that speak directly to our hearts about worldly things: Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.” Ecclesiastes 7:14 also states:
“When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.”
Like American author, Dale Carnegie, (1888-1955) said, “Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.”
Remember always that God’s plans for us are good. If we learn to appreciate the little things in our lives, we are bound to see the great things God has for us. However, if we continue to grieve, become sad and allow our sadness, anger and frustrations to steal the happiness and peace of those around us, we are bound to remain blind to the small windows of opportunities before us. In Matthew 6-33, Jesus promised that real, lasting happiness, along with God’s provision of all our essential needs, will be ours, if we "seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.”
As you prepare for another day, remember, God wants you to succeed and prosper, and He has given you the blueprint to make you happy!
Therefore, rather than dwell on the challenges and begin thinking negatively, why not begin to look at the positives and be thankful for what God is doing and has done in your life. Listen to the voice of God to gain wisdom and understanding. Most of all, fear not the difficulties, the frustrations and circumstances of life but rather lean on God for guidance and understanding, and you will begin to see the good things in your life. Remember that like a parent who loves and cherishes his/her child, and wishes good deeds for that child, God has invested heavily in you, and His plans for you and for all of his children are good.
Always,
musue
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Marriage Counselor: When Punishment Is the Order of the Day
Dear Pilgrim,
Isn’t this another beautiful day – a day that the Lord has made. Rather than sit here and allow my beautiful brain to be consumed by problems, I am endeavoring to rejoice and be glad today.
Pilgrim, I wish I had started my day with this idea- imagine how my morning would have started. You are aware that it is important to start your day with God, and recognize that our steps are ordered by God. When we start our day with God, we don’t get side tracked if things do not go the way we expect them to happen. Secondly, if we start our day with God, we begin the day by standing on the principles and promises of God. Additionally, when we start our day with God, He will cover us and give us grace to survive the storms of life. Don’t we want that ticket to live well and follow the plans that are laid out before us by God?
Pilgrim let us look at some verses that may help us understand the power of God in our lives. Proverbs 16:9 states, “A man’s mind plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.” Then Proverbs 20:24, “Man’s steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way?” Isn’t it wonderful to be encouraged every morning and step with the knowledge that God is guiding our every move?
Pilgrim, I think I need to pray for the strength and determination to begin my day with God. Perhaps, that way, the ridiculous things that occupy my mind and heart will just be thrown along the way side. I will then muster the courage to avoid such distractions, and move on the path to fulfilling my God given destiny.
I want my steps to be ordered by the Lord, rather than spend my time delving into the unnecessary problems, and challenges we face.
In all of these, I keep reflecting on the numerous problems couples face- the lil ones revealed during Marriage Counseling. It is truly disheartening to see how one person can eat at the joy and peace of another person. In my view, no man or woman should have the power to steal the happiness of another person, especially when it comes to relationships. When I observe Marriage Counseling sessions, or sit in on one; I see and hear pain; I see and hear control; I see and hear pleads; then there is emotional abuse, among other issues that leave one or both persons unloved, unwanted, unappreciated and sad.
Let look at excerpts of comments of some of the problems some couples face in their marriage. As you read through them, remember that these are true life stories, and the identities are what were provided by the individuals:
Cherry: His body language or lack of saying anything tells me over and over I’m no longer important to him. I told him I feel like he’s sick of me, and that he no longer is interested ……to which he says otherwise.
Mr. Falcon: I live in a marriage that’s without intimacy. I had so many denials from my wife, which made me feel like a dog lying at her feet to be thrown a bone once in a while. If I were lucky to have an intimacy, it was more as a favor than a passionate act of love, which made me, feel like a dog. I no longer feel any physical attraction to her. With the physical attraction gone, the emotional attraction followed.
Amy: I'm guessing that he is a man of haunting secrets - not sure what, though. In the end, we all have our own threshold in terms of when "enough's enough." It's a painful journey and some people never give up and some do. I just didn't want to look back upon my life with deep regret.
Now, my mind keeps going back to the previous session I watched in which the wife was unaware that her husband's punishment was because of his wife's unacceptance of her husband's 22 year old son's behavior, and the wife's reluctance to invest in the husband family's property. The question then becomes, why punish someone for such things? Truly, is the husband's lukewarm attitude to the wife because of her reluctance to invest in the husband family's property, rather than they acquiring their own property? Could the husband actually be using his wife's reluctance to invest in his family's property as an excuse for his scorn and lack of affection towards his wife? In the same vein, could he also be showing his actual indifferent feelings towards his wife, but using his wife's reluctance towards his adult son's behavior to conceal his actual lack of affection for his wife? Is is also possible that the husband is no longer interested in his wife and just finding an excuse to justify his lack of interest?
Listening to each of the persons above, and the questions that some of the situations raises tell us that many families are living in tears and fears, rather than harmony, if not happiness.
Now, what does the bible tell us about love and partnership? Proverbs 18:22 is a very significant verse with regard to spousal appreciation. Now, this has to do with the wife--but it also could have to do with the husband. Proverb: 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife (husband) finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord" (NKJV). The Bible teaches that the institution of family is of divine origin and purpose, and not a place where one person punishes, or renders judgment on another person or persons.
God’s desire for two can be seen in the Bible. Let’s look at Genesis 2. In Genesis 2, God created Adam. And He looked at Adam and He said, "Oh, Adam, you just don't have anybody like you. God created people so as to need and find fulfillment in human companionship. Genesis 2:18: "The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’”
Let's look keenly at Proverbs 18:22. It teaches us two concepts. The first is that when you find a spouse, you find someone agreeable to you. And the second is that you find favor with God in the process of doing that. So, whoever finds a wife, for husbands, finds what God has made agreeable or pleasant. That means, God believes in family, and in his eyes, the Family is divine in purpose, and not a place for despising, and scorning what God has created in his own image.
The bible, and all religious practices tell us that God’s purposes for marriage and family life give us the best opportunities for family fulfillment. The family fulfillment includes companionship, procreation, and nurture, among other.
Companionship is a basic purpose of God for marriage and family life. Companionship is illustrated in the bible: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him’” (Genesis 2:18). “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Companionship is a basic purpose of God for marriage and family life. Affection as part of companionship is therefore a God-ordained means of overcoming the essential loneliness of human existence.
Nurture is another fundamental purpose of God for families. “Now if anyone does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
Now for some who treat their partners with indifference, such attitudes don’t demonstrate that your spouse is a gift from God. When we treat our partners with indifference, and or scorn, those attitudes is an indication that you see your spouse as a gift to yo; a gift from the world to you that you can bolt, jerk and do whatever with as you pleases. And we're aware that in relationship based on God's purposes, we are not talking about a controlling interest here; we're talking about a partnership between two people in which God is the Senior Partner.
Pilgrim, we know that in relationship; just any relationship, the reality is when you have one person who appreciates the other but it's not reciprocal, you tend to grow apart. Isn't that true? But when you have a husband who thinks his wife is the best thing, and a wife who thinks her husband is the best thing, when you think that your spouse is God's gift to you; and you accept him or her as the very best God has for you; and you see it as the best possible gift that God could ever have [for you], then you grow together, there is harmony and God smiles.
Well, well. It’s time to leave you again Pilgrim. I hope and pray that all is well with you and your family. Start your day with God by living the dreams that come from God.
Always,
musue
Isn’t this another beautiful day – a day that the Lord has made. Rather than sit here and allow my beautiful brain to be consumed by problems, I am endeavoring to rejoice and be glad today.
Pilgrim, I wish I had started my day with this idea- imagine how my morning would have started. You are aware that it is important to start your day with God, and recognize that our steps are ordered by God. When we start our day with God, we don’t get side tracked if things do not go the way we expect them to happen. Secondly, if we start our day with God, we begin the day by standing on the principles and promises of God. Additionally, when we start our day with God, He will cover us and give us grace to survive the storms of life. Don’t we want that ticket to live well and follow the plans that are laid out before us by God?
Pilgrim let us look at some verses that may help us understand the power of God in our lives. Proverbs 16:9 states, “A man’s mind plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.” Then Proverbs 20:24, “Man’s steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way?” Isn’t it wonderful to be encouraged every morning and step with the knowledge that God is guiding our every move?
Pilgrim, I think I need to pray for the strength and determination to begin my day with God. Perhaps, that way, the ridiculous things that occupy my mind and heart will just be thrown along the way side. I will then muster the courage to avoid such distractions, and move on the path to fulfilling my God given destiny.
I want my steps to be ordered by the Lord, rather than spend my time delving into the unnecessary problems, and challenges we face.
In all of these, I keep reflecting on the numerous problems couples face- the lil ones revealed during Marriage Counseling. It is truly disheartening to see how one person can eat at the joy and peace of another person. In my view, no man or woman should have the power to steal the happiness of another person, especially when it comes to relationships. When I observe Marriage Counseling sessions, or sit in on one; I see and hear pain; I see and hear control; I see and hear pleads; then there is emotional abuse, among other issues that leave one or both persons unloved, unwanted, unappreciated and sad.
Let look at excerpts of comments of some of the problems some couples face in their marriage. As you read through them, remember that these are true life stories, and the identities are what were provided by the individuals:
Cherry: His body language or lack of saying anything tells me over and over I’m no longer important to him. I told him I feel like he’s sick of me, and that he no longer is interested ……to which he says otherwise.
Mr. Falcon: I live in a marriage that’s without intimacy. I had so many denials from my wife, which made me feel like a dog lying at her feet to be thrown a bone once in a while. If I were lucky to have an intimacy, it was more as a favor than a passionate act of love, which made me, feel like a dog. I no longer feel any physical attraction to her. With the physical attraction gone, the emotional attraction followed.
Amy: I'm guessing that he is a man of haunting secrets - not sure what, though. In the end, we all have our own threshold in terms of when "enough's enough." It's a painful journey and some people never give up and some do. I just didn't want to look back upon my life with deep regret.
Now, my mind keeps going back to the previous session I watched in which the wife was unaware that her husband's punishment was because of his wife's unacceptance of her husband's 22 year old son's behavior, and the wife's reluctance to invest in the husband family's property. The question then becomes, why punish someone for such things? Truly, is the husband's lukewarm attitude to the wife because of her reluctance to invest in the husband family's property, rather than they acquiring their own property? Could the husband actually be using his wife's reluctance to invest in his family's property as an excuse for his scorn and lack of affection towards his wife? In the same vein, could he also be showing his actual indifferent feelings towards his wife, but using his wife's reluctance towards his adult son's behavior to conceal his actual lack of affection for his wife? Is is also possible that the husband is no longer interested in his wife and just finding an excuse to justify his lack of interest?
Listening to each of the persons above, and the questions that some of the situations raises tell us that many families are living in tears and fears, rather than harmony, if not happiness.
Now, what does the bible tell us about love and partnership? Proverbs 18:22 is a very significant verse with regard to spousal appreciation. Now, this has to do with the wife--but it also could have to do with the husband. Proverb: 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife (husband) finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord" (NKJV). The Bible teaches that the institution of family is of divine origin and purpose, and not a place where one person punishes, or renders judgment on another person or persons.
God’s desire for two can be seen in the Bible. Let’s look at Genesis 2. In Genesis 2, God created Adam. And He looked at Adam and He said, "Oh, Adam, you just don't have anybody like you. God created people so as to need and find fulfillment in human companionship. Genesis 2:18: "The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’”
Let's look keenly at Proverbs 18:22. It teaches us two concepts. The first is that when you find a spouse, you find someone agreeable to you. And the second is that you find favor with God in the process of doing that. So, whoever finds a wife, for husbands, finds what God has made agreeable or pleasant. That means, God believes in family, and in his eyes, the Family is divine in purpose, and not a place for despising, and scorning what God has created in his own image.
The bible, and all religious practices tell us that God’s purposes for marriage and family life give us the best opportunities for family fulfillment. The family fulfillment includes companionship, procreation, and nurture, among other.
Companionship is a basic purpose of God for marriage and family life. Companionship is illustrated in the bible: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him’” (Genesis 2:18). “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Companionship is a basic purpose of God for marriage and family life. Affection as part of companionship is therefore a God-ordained means of overcoming the essential loneliness of human existence.
Nurture is another fundamental purpose of God for families. “Now if anyone does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
Now for some who treat their partners with indifference, such attitudes don’t demonstrate that your spouse is a gift from God. When we treat our partners with indifference, and or scorn, those attitudes is an indication that you see your spouse as a gift to yo; a gift from the world to you that you can bolt, jerk and do whatever with as you pleases. And we're aware that in relationship based on God's purposes, we are not talking about a controlling interest here; we're talking about a partnership between two people in which God is the Senior Partner.
Pilgrim, we know that in relationship; just any relationship, the reality is when you have one person who appreciates the other but it's not reciprocal, you tend to grow apart. Isn't that true? But when you have a husband who thinks his wife is the best thing, and a wife who thinks her husband is the best thing, when you think that your spouse is God's gift to you; and you accept him or her as the very best God has for you; and you see it as the best possible gift that God could ever have [for you], then you grow together, there is harmony and God smiles.
Well, well. It’s time to leave you again Pilgrim. I hope and pray that all is well with you and your family. Start your day with God by living the dreams that come from God.
Always,
musue
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Marriage Counselor: When You Are the Beast
Dear Pilgrim,
Hope the New Year started on a wonderful note. At my end, I cannot be more thankful to God for his grace and mercy. I thank God for allowing us to see 2012, and the beauty of his Glory that abounds in the world. I continue to ask for his grace, mercy, and manifestation of his presence in my life. And as selfish as that may sound, I crave not my strength, but his strength and wisdom every day.
I realize that when I fellowship, I feel lifted, but if I do not, I feel burdened. How I wish I could always muster the courage, and remember to always call on him.
Pilgrim, in our last communication, we discussed some problems that negatively influence not only marriages, but also affect Relationships. In that communication, we enumerated a few of those problems: break down of communication, or mis- communication, extra marital affairs, imbalance between Job/Career and the Relationship, the influence of Family & Friends, and the list goes on. Today I like to share with you an event that remains printed on my mind. I know that once I honestly share this Marriage counseling experience, I will feel less burdened. The experience in question occurred yesterday, while I observed a Marriage Counseling session. At the session, two persons happily walked in and sat before the Christian Counselor. Initially, they chatted and seemed happy. The Marriage Counselor started the session with a prayer that the couple appeared to enjoy. The prayer ended with a big AMEN.
After the booming "Amen," my attention was drawn to what seemed to be insistent gestures by the hands and assertiveness on the faces of two persons at the Marriage Counseling session. It was at that moment, I moved my chair closer to listen to their grievances, and hopefully learned some of the Christian Counseling strategies that would be applied at that session. As I listened, I heard the husband accused the wife of “hating” his young adult son who’s 22 years old. The husband added that he was unhappy that his own son could not live in their apartment, but her six years old son could live in the apartment. The wife insisted that she doesn’t hate the husband’s son, but cannot condone his attitude of not speaking to her, and lying on her about returning money she had given him to purchase an item. Though the boy didn’t purchase the item, he also didn’t return the money. She added that because the husband's son is an adult, she can not reprimand him as she could her own son. When the wife informed her husband who went to ask his son about the money his wife had given him to purchase some items, the boy insisted that he had returned the money. The husband then informed the wife about the boy’s insistence that he had given her the money. The wife says in addition to the son’s refusal to speak to her, his claim that he had returned the money were attitudes she found difficult to understand or accept. The husband said he was disappointed that his wife couldn’t live with his young adult son as she is with her six year old son. In addition, the husband said the wife must recognize and take comfort in the fact that he (husband) is a disciplinary, and doesn’t take kindly to inappropriate behavior. To conclude, the husband added that he is unhappy that he is not living under the same roof with his son, only because he is trying to avoid making his wife “uncomfortable.”
As the discussion slowed, but didn’t end, I thought about children of today, and our own days when we were children. Young people today mock, ridicule, and openly flaunt their parents and other adults. Such conduct is encouraged by many aspects of society and is ignored or excused by many parents and caregivers. Ephesians 6:2, 3 -- Parents have God-given authority and have generally done much good for the children. They deserve to receive respectful treatment, including respectful speech and attitudes. (Matthew. 15:4; Prov. 6:20-23; 15:5; 23:22.) As I skimmed through the bible about verses that speak about raising children, I was stunned by a few bold ones, including: Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. I looked at Deuteronomy 21:18-21, and Leviticus 20:9, but quickly closed my book on those two verses.
As I sat there listening to the exchanges, I was baffled at some avoidable problems that crop up in relationships. Thse avoidable problems destroy promising relationships because one partner is either looking at one side of the situation, or frankly doesn't care about the how these things can undermine basic values in the relationship. Then again, I wondered how the Marriage Counselor would help the couple find a common ground. But just as I propped myself up in my seat when all eyes turned to the Marriage Counselor, the husband again took the stage. This time, his concern wasn’t about his son, but a promise that his wife made, but in his eyes, she has failed to fulfill the promise. Apparently, the wife had promised to help her husband complete a farming project he had initiated a few seasons ago. According to the husband, contrary to her promise, his wife hadn’t done so. In her defense, the wife said, aside the difficulties in transitioning, which would have made it impossible to embark on such a project so soon, she also hadn’t realized that the farming project was her husband’s family project, and not his alone, something she wasn’t aware of when she initially said she would help in completing.
The husband said he felt pained by the two situations, and his lukewarm attitude towards his wife and their relationship stemmed from what he considers his wife’s betrayal. The wife on the other hand expressed disappointment at her husband’s judgment in the situations, and wondered whether her husband sees her as a beast for the stance she had taken regarding his adult son, who refuses to speak to her, and engaging in a project that belongs to his family. The wife then began narrating some of the responses from her husband, and how sometimes she feels that her husband loathe, despise and hate her. “I didn’t know that it is because of these things you treat me like a trash,” the wife said with bewilderment in her eyes. The husband responded, "It pains me that you did not keep your promise to complete the farming project." The wife stressed, "I have not refused engaging in a project with you. I offered that we establish our own project, but you refused. You did not tell me that that project you informed me about belongs to your family."
The Marriage Counselor looked at both persons, and asked whether by speaking their feelings, they felt any relief. It was at that moment, my phone rang and I ran out to meet my colleagues. As I narrated the counseling session scenario to my colleagues, rather than discussed directly the issues from the counseling session, they moved the lecture to another level. Now here’s an excerpt of my colleague’s discussion:
Ernest: Appreciating your spouse is the recipe for creating a happy marriage. That means, everything in relationship - personal or professional relationship boils down to love and appreciation. Once there is some balance from both parties, all situations can be discussed and resolved.
Wanda: Ah, ah. Well, of all the people we appreciate in our lives, if we're married, most of us would say our spouse is at the top of the list. But saying that we appreciate them and showing them our appreciation are two different things.
Ernest: Yes, they are. Just ask any spouse. Most of us do not think that we are appreciated as much as we ought to be. But you know what? That requires two things. First, spouses have to be deliberate is showing compassion, and in showing appreciation for their spouse, but spouses have to recognize those responses as well. The responsibility goes both ways. We have to try harder at both ends.
Wanda: If you're guilty for taking your spouse for granted, then stay tuned because there’s a God's perspective on why our significant other is so amazingly significant.
The discussion between Wanda and Ernest faded as we moved on the congested streets. And our discussion moved from the counseling session to the traffic jammed in the city. I hope that people realized that the family needs to be a place of demonstrated love, and not a place to sow seeds of hatred. People must learn that there are two kinds of ways to say, "I love you." One is to say it; and one is to do it. The fact is that we don't choose between the two. We have to both demonstrate love and tell people we love them.
I pray that our friends at the counseling sessions will allow God to become a part of their lives. In that way, they can travel light, and grow from within.
Always,
musue
Hope the New Year started on a wonderful note. At my end, I cannot be more thankful to God for his grace and mercy. I thank God for allowing us to see 2012, and the beauty of his Glory that abounds in the world. I continue to ask for his grace, mercy, and manifestation of his presence in my life. And as selfish as that may sound, I crave not my strength, but his strength and wisdom every day.
I realize that when I fellowship, I feel lifted, but if I do not, I feel burdened. How I wish I could always muster the courage, and remember to always call on him.
Pilgrim, in our last communication, we discussed some problems that negatively influence not only marriages, but also affect Relationships. In that communication, we enumerated a few of those problems: break down of communication, or mis- communication, extra marital affairs, imbalance between Job/Career and the Relationship, the influence of Family & Friends, and the list goes on. Today I like to share with you an event that remains printed on my mind. I know that once I honestly share this Marriage counseling experience, I will feel less burdened. The experience in question occurred yesterday, while I observed a Marriage Counseling session. At the session, two persons happily walked in and sat before the Christian Counselor. Initially, they chatted and seemed happy. The Marriage Counselor started the session with a prayer that the couple appeared to enjoy. The prayer ended with a big AMEN.
After the booming "Amen," my attention was drawn to what seemed to be insistent gestures by the hands and assertiveness on the faces of two persons at the Marriage Counseling session. It was at that moment, I moved my chair closer to listen to their grievances, and hopefully learned some of the Christian Counseling strategies that would be applied at that session. As I listened, I heard the husband accused the wife of “hating” his young adult son who’s 22 years old. The husband added that he was unhappy that his own son could not live in their apartment, but her six years old son could live in the apartment. The wife insisted that she doesn’t hate the husband’s son, but cannot condone his attitude of not speaking to her, and lying on her about returning money she had given him to purchase an item. Though the boy didn’t purchase the item, he also didn’t return the money. She added that because the husband's son is an adult, she can not reprimand him as she could her own son. When the wife informed her husband who went to ask his son about the money his wife had given him to purchase some items, the boy insisted that he had returned the money. The husband then informed the wife about the boy’s insistence that he had given her the money. The wife says in addition to the son’s refusal to speak to her, his claim that he had returned the money were attitudes she found difficult to understand or accept. The husband said he was disappointed that his wife couldn’t live with his young adult son as she is with her six year old son. In addition, the husband said the wife must recognize and take comfort in the fact that he (husband) is a disciplinary, and doesn’t take kindly to inappropriate behavior. To conclude, the husband added that he is unhappy that he is not living under the same roof with his son, only because he is trying to avoid making his wife “uncomfortable.”
As the discussion slowed, but didn’t end, I thought about children of today, and our own days when we were children. Young people today mock, ridicule, and openly flaunt their parents and other adults. Such conduct is encouraged by many aspects of society and is ignored or excused by many parents and caregivers. Ephesians 6:2, 3 -- Parents have God-given authority and have generally done much good for the children. They deserve to receive respectful treatment, including respectful speech and attitudes. (Matthew. 15:4; Prov. 6:20-23; 15:5; 23:22.) As I skimmed through the bible about verses that speak about raising children, I was stunned by a few bold ones, including: Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. I looked at Deuteronomy 21:18-21, and Leviticus 20:9, but quickly closed my book on those two verses.
As I sat there listening to the exchanges, I was baffled at some avoidable problems that crop up in relationships. Thse avoidable problems destroy promising relationships because one partner is either looking at one side of the situation, or frankly doesn't care about the how these things can undermine basic values in the relationship. Then again, I wondered how the Marriage Counselor would help the couple find a common ground. But just as I propped myself up in my seat when all eyes turned to the Marriage Counselor, the husband again took the stage. This time, his concern wasn’t about his son, but a promise that his wife made, but in his eyes, she has failed to fulfill the promise. Apparently, the wife had promised to help her husband complete a farming project he had initiated a few seasons ago. According to the husband, contrary to her promise, his wife hadn’t done so. In her defense, the wife said, aside the difficulties in transitioning, which would have made it impossible to embark on such a project so soon, she also hadn’t realized that the farming project was her husband’s family project, and not his alone, something she wasn’t aware of when she initially said she would help in completing.
The husband said he felt pained by the two situations, and his lukewarm attitude towards his wife and their relationship stemmed from what he considers his wife’s betrayal. The wife on the other hand expressed disappointment at her husband’s judgment in the situations, and wondered whether her husband sees her as a beast for the stance she had taken regarding his adult son, who refuses to speak to her, and engaging in a project that belongs to his family. The wife then began narrating some of the responses from her husband, and how sometimes she feels that her husband loathe, despise and hate her. “I didn’t know that it is because of these things you treat me like a trash,” the wife said with bewilderment in her eyes. The husband responded, "It pains me that you did not keep your promise to complete the farming project." The wife stressed, "I have not refused engaging in a project with you. I offered that we establish our own project, but you refused. You did not tell me that that project you informed me about belongs to your family."
The Marriage Counselor looked at both persons, and asked whether by speaking their feelings, they felt any relief. It was at that moment, my phone rang and I ran out to meet my colleagues. As I narrated the counseling session scenario to my colleagues, rather than discussed directly the issues from the counseling session, they moved the lecture to another level. Now here’s an excerpt of my colleague’s discussion:
Ernest: Appreciating your spouse is the recipe for creating a happy marriage. That means, everything in relationship - personal or professional relationship boils down to love and appreciation. Once there is some balance from both parties, all situations can be discussed and resolved.
Wanda: Ah, ah. Well, of all the people we appreciate in our lives, if we're married, most of us would say our spouse is at the top of the list. But saying that we appreciate them and showing them our appreciation are two different things.
Ernest: Yes, they are. Just ask any spouse. Most of us do not think that we are appreciated as much as we ought to be. But you know what? That requires two things. First, spouses have to be deliberate is showing compassion, and in showing appreciation for their spouse, but spouses have to recognize those responses as well. The responsibility goes both ways. We have to try harder at both ends.
Wanda: If you're guilty for taking your spouse for granted, then stay tuned because there’s a God's perspective on why our significant other is so amazingly significant.
The discussion between Wanda and Ernest faded as we moved on the congested streets. And our discussion moved from the counseling session to the traffic jammed in the city. I hope that people realized that the family needs to be a place of demonstrated love, and not a place to sow seeds of hatred. People must learn that there are two kinds of ways to say, "I love you." One is to say it; and one is to do it. The fact is that we don't choose between the two. We have to both demonstrate love and tell people we love them.
I pray that our friends at the counseling sessions will allow God to become a part of their lives. In that way, they can travel light, and grow from within.
Always,
musue
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
“The Marriage Counselor” – Is it Time to Move On?
Dear Pilgrim,
I am glad that in spite of our inability to communicate via this medium, our exchanges continued via other channel. As I said during our recent chat, I am grateful to God for his blessings, and grace during this period of transition.
Pilgrim, thanks for pointing out the communication from one of our readers. The short note, pasted in my previous letter reads:
Dear Musue,
I am writing to ask, so what do you think happen if my husband is what you say is toxic? I stay away from him or go to marriage counselor?
This letter, though without much detail, holds a woman’s indecisiveness about her marriage. After reading the letter; attached also in the comments section of my previous letter, Stay Away from Toxicity, I began to reflect on some of the problems that negatively influence not only marriages, but also affect Relationships. As I ponder some of the basic problems, I turned to a few universal views of some of the problems that cause breakdown of Marriages and Relationship. In that terrain, I counted a few and the foremost is communication. The rest includes, Extra Marital Affairs, Imbalance between Job/Career and the Relationship, the influence of Family & Friends, and the list goes on.
As I reflect discussions on the topic of marriage and relationship, I then re-examined one of Tyler’s Perry’s show I had just watched, ‘The Marriage counselor. In that play, the main character who’s the Marriage Counselor, is successful from the professional stand point of a career and desired the attention of her husband. On the other hand, the husband, engrossed in his work is more concerned about completing one project after another and paying bills. The husband is truly not a good listener and is lacking in communication skills when it comes to what the wife is actually saying in regards to their relationship. The show is typical of the challenges of many persons struggling to make marriages and relationship work. The theme of the play demonstrates the need to be more aware of basic problems in marriage and relationships in order to evaluate what communication skills can be developed and improved upon in relationships. I see "Marriage Counselor" as a play indicative of the challenges a relationship presents when there is a flaw in communication. I do hope more families faced with challenges in relationships can take a moment to watch this play. I learned from the play that the success or crash of a marriage usually depends on how couples deal with the issues in their lives.
In addition to the important points featured in Tyler Perry’s Marriage Counselor, and other prominent works, another salient problem in marriages and relationship pointed out by Praveenben is the issue of ego. Ego has to do with self-absorption, (focusing only on oneself- what I want, what I need, what I deserve, what I am thinking about, etc) which affects the ability for couples to feel the oneness that should exist in relationship. The presence of ego by one partner gives rise to conflict; it brings about selfishness, and several other problems. Though in all marriages and relationships, problems arise, however giving up selfishness helps couples to communicate appropriately, find common ground, build trust, and work together as one, thereby dissolving most marriage and relationship problems.
Pilgrim, in my search for answers to our reader’s question about whether to stay in her marriage or abandon the marriage, I also delve into the Bible, and came across a few verses that discussed the values that promote growth in marriages and relationships.
Hebrews 13:4, stressed: “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
This Hebrew verse concisely states that Marriage is highly esteemed as one of God's own instituting, and as highly calculated to produce the best interests of mankind. Every man must cleave to his own wife, and every wife cleave to her own husband, because God will judge, and punish, all fornicators and adulterers. We should always remember, that though secret sins may escape the eyes of our partners, but a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, who not only sees, but wonder about all his goings. Isn’t that interesting!
Proverbs 5:18-20 states “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”
In summary, the verse implores husbands to make the wife happy by keeping to her and from others; by behaving in a loving, pleasant, and respectful manner to her; and by living comfortably with her, and providing well for her and her children: or reckon her a happiness, a blessing from God. Let’s assume that giving our economic hardship, the husband cannot provide his wife’s material needs, that doesn’t mean he cannot love, respect and cherish her. Those basic values are even more valuable than material things.
Another bible verse associated with relationships and marriages is Ephesians 4:29. The verse maintained, “Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
When I read Ephesians 4: 29, I was immediately transported to two verses, Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and he that loves it will eat from its fruit,” and Matthew 12:37 reads; "The tongue is the instrument either of a great deal of good, or of a great deal of evil.” How true are these verses? We know that Words can hurt, words can encourage. Use words wisely because once leaving your mouth they cannot be taken back, and who knows, they may forever reign.
Other bible verses to also look at include, Thessalonians 5:11: So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing; Ephesians 5:28 - In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife.
Pilgrim, since our friend was not specific about her problems, it’s is important to look at a few issues that shaken the foundation of relationships. Trust is one of the major backbones of a relationship. Everyone knows that a relationship needs solid trust in order to really thrive. It’s no secret that the best relationships are the ones built on strong trust, love, and communication. If there are some problems with trust in a relationship, then there they will cause further relationship problems. Let’s hope our friend is not faced with trust issues. Is our friend having communication problems in her relationship? Communication is one of the most important things a relationship needs to succeed. If there is little to no communication in a relationship, problems are bound to arise and the relationship will more than likely not last long.
In addition to allowing God to serve as Captain, I would also appeal that our reader discuss her concerns with her spouse. Both parties can then decide on what can be done to ensure that they are contented. In addition, I would like to suggest a technique that I learned several years ago, while contemplating the decision to return home after several years in exile. For our reader, I suggest that she draw a line down in the middle of a piece of paper. On one side, she should write about the good qualities of her spouse, and on the other side, she should write about the bad things. Her spouse should do the same thing. After writing everything down, they would look at the paper and see if the good outweighs the bad. I sincerely believe this strategy can really open up your eyes to see the big picture and it will let them think about things both good and bad. Hopefully, they can begin to communicate effectively, build up the relationship, and most importantly, pray together.
I do hope Pilgrim, that our reader puts her trust in God, and allow Him to guide her in making decisions regarding her marriage. And let’s keep praying for one another.
always,
musue
I am glad that in spite of our inability to communicate via this medium, our exchanges continued via other channel. As I said during our recent chat, I am grateful to God for his blessings, and grace during this period of transition.
Pilgrim, thanks for pointing out the communication from one of our readers. The short note, pasted in my previous letter reads:
Dear Musue,
I am writing to ask, so what do you think happen if my husband is what you say is toxic? I stay away from him or go to marriage counselor?
This letter, though without much detail, holds a woman’s indecisiveness about her marriage. After reading the letter; attached also in the comments section of my previous letter, Stay Away from Toxicity, I began to reflect on some of the problems that negatively influence not only marriages, but also affect Relationships. As I ponder some of the basic problems, I turned to a few universal views of some of the problems that cause breakdown of Marriages and Relationship. In that terrain, I counted a few and the foremost is communication. The rest includes, Extra Marital Affairs, Imbalance between Job/Career and the Relationship, the influence of Family & Friends, and the list goes on.
As I reflect discussions on the topic of marriage and relationship, I then re-examined one of Tyler’s Perry’s show I had just watched, ‘The Marriage counselor. In that play, the main character who’s the Marriage Counselor, is successful from the professional stand point of a career and desired the attention of her husband. On the other hand, the husband, engrossed in his work is more concerned about completing one project after another and paying bills. The husband is truly not a good listener and is lacking in communication skills when it comes to what the wife is actually saying in regards to their relationship. The show is typical of the challenges of many persons struggling to make marriages and relationship work. The theme of the play demonstrates the need to be more aware of basic problems in marriage and relationships in order to evaluate what communication skills can be developed and improved upon in relationships. I see "Marriage Counselor" as a play indicative of the challenges a relationship presents when there is a flaw in communication. I do hope more families faced with challenges in relationships can take a moment to watch this play. I learned from the play that the success or crash of a marriage usually depends on how couples deal with the issues in their lives.
In addition to the important points featured in Tyler Perry’s Marriage Counselor, and other prominent works, another salient problem in marriages and relationship pointed out by Praveenben is the issue of ego. Ego has to do with self-absorption, (focusing only on oneself- what I want, what I need, what I deserve, what I am thinking about, etc) which affects the ability for couples to feel the oneness that should exist in relationship. The presence of ego by one partner gives rise to conflict; it brings about selfishness, and several other problems. Though in all marriages and relationships, problems arise, however giving up selfishness helps couples to communicate appropriately, find common ground, build trust, and work together as one, thereby dissolving most marriage and relationship problems.
Pilgrim, in my search for answers to our reader’s question about whether to stay in her marriage or abandon the marriage, I also delve into the Bible, and came across a few verses that discussed the values that promote growth in marriages and relationships.
Hebrews 13:4, stressed: “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
This Hebrew verse concisely states that Marriage is highly esteemed as one of God's own instituting, and as highly calculated to produce the best interests of mankind. Every man must cleave to his own wife, and every wife cleave to her own husband, because God will judge, and punish, all fornicators and adulterers. We should always remember, that though secret sins may escape the eyes of our partners, but a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, who not only sees, but wonder about all his goings. Isn’t that interesting!
Proverbs 5:18-20 states “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”
In summary, the verse implores husbands to make the wife happy by keeping to her and from others; by behaving in a loving, pleasant, and respectful manner to her; and by living comfortably with her, and providing well for her and her children: or reckon her a happiness, a blessing from God. Let’s assume that giving our economic hardship, the husband cannot provide his wife’s material needs, that doesn’t mean he cannot love, respect and cherish her. Those basic values are even more valuable than material things.
Another bible verse associated with relationships and marriages is Ephesians 4:29. The verse maintained, “Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
When I read Ephesians 4: 29, I was immediately transported to two verses, Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and he that loves it will eat from its fruit,” and Matthew 12:37 reads; "The tongue is the instrument either of a great deal of good, or of a great deal of evil.” How true are these verses? We know that Words can hurt, words can encourage. Use words wisely because once leaving your mouth they cannot be taken back, and who knows, they may forever reign.
Other bible verses to also look at include, Thessalonians 5:11: So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing; Ephesians 5:28 - In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife.
Pilgrim, since our friend was not specific about her problems, it’s is important to look at a few issues that shaken the foundation of relationships. Trust is one of the major backbones of a relationship. Everyone knows that a relationship needs solid trust in order to really thrive. It’s no secret that the best relationships are the ones built on strong trust, love, and communication. If there are some problems with trust in a relationship, then there they will cause further relationship problems. Let’s hope our friend is not faced with trust issues. Is our friend having communication problems in her relationship? Communication is one of the most important things a relationship needs to succeed. If there is little to no communication in a relationship, problems are bound to arise and the relationship will more than likely not last long.
In addition to allowing God to serve as Captain, I would also appeal that our reader discuss her concerns with her spouse. Both parties can then decide on what can be done to ensure that they are contented. In addition, I would like to suggest a technique that I learned several years ago, while contemplating the decision to return home after several years in exile. For our reader, I suggest that she draw a line down in the middle of a piece of paper. On one side, she should write about the good qualities of her spouse, and on the other side, she should write about the bad things. Her spouse should do the same thing. After writing everything down, they would look at the paper and see if the good outweighs the bad. I sincerely believe this strategy can really open up your eyes to see the big picture and it will let them think about things both good and bad. Hopefully, they can begin to communicate effectively, build up the relationship, and most importantly, pray together.
I do hope Pilgrim, that our reader puts her trust in God, and allow Him to guide her in making decisions regarding her marriage. And let’s keep praying for one another.
always,
musue
Thursday, June 23, 2011
God Doesn’t Like Ugly: Stay Away from Toxicity
Dear Pilgrim,
I received your communication. The reasons for my delayed response are two-fold: I was traveling out of state; secondly, I wanted to prepare a more enlightened response to your communication. Now, let's look at an excerpt of your letter:
“I met some people, and realized that though we are all proclaiming to be pilgrims; a few of the new acquaintances are constantly undermining our leaders. In addition to their endless opposition to ideas and activities aimed at helping us grow spiritually, and overcome challenges on our journey, these individuals I have come to see as poisonous appear to be more interested in things outside of our spiritual journey, and activities that hinder our spiritual growth. We have met these individuals in small groups to discuss their concerns, but our efforts have been without success. As a Pilgrim, how do I cope with such negativity, without failing in my journey to grow spiritually? Are there scriptures to help me handle, or understand what I need to do with such noxious people?”
Pilgrim, when I read your communication, I thought about a novel. God Don't Like Ugly, written by Mary Monroe! I found this book interesting because the characters loved to gossip and talk about people. The basic plot revolves around a young girl, Annette who is being sexually abused by the live-in border, a one-legged man Mr. Boatwright. Mr. Boatwright was taken in by Annette’s mother. He presents one personality during the day -- cooks for the family, takes Annette to the market with him, to the movies and goes with the family to church and at times is kind to her, and then at night destroys it all by making the innocent child, Annette his victim of sexual abuse.
If I am right, your group encouraged the so-called pilgrims (poisonous individuals) to join you in your religious journey. Secondly, rather than helping to strengthen the mission and visions of the religious journey, the new additions sought to create division, and undermine the leadership of the group, thereby derailing the group’s progress and the spiritual growth of individuals.
I find the new members on your journey similar to the one- legged boarder, Mr. Boatwright in Mary Monroe’s novel, who was taken in by Annette’s mother. Like Mr. Boatwright, who was taken in by Annette’s mother, the so-called pilgrims were encouraged to become a part of your entourage on a religious journey. Similar to Mr. Boatwright who mercilessly sexually abuse his host’s daughter, the so-called pilgrims deliberated selected to undercut the very leaders that opened their arms to them, undermine the vision and mission of the leaders who graciously received them, scandalize the integrity of members, as well as (attempted to) dampen the spiritual growth of individual members. I can imagine the confusion.
As I reflected on your communication, and visualized the scenario, I thought about some bible verses: Psalm 58:3 “These wicked people are born sinners; even from birth they have lied and gone their own way. The next verse, Psalm 58:4 states: They spit venom like deadly snakes; they are like cobras that refuse to listen.” The commentary of the verse is that the poison of wicked people is like the poison of a serpent - When they bite, they transmit poison into the wound, as the serpent does. They not only injure you by outward acts, but by their wickedness and malice they poison your reputation. They do you as much evil as they can, and spread the worst reports that others may look at you with less respect or with hatred, treat you as a bad person. Just as the poison from the bite of the serpent is conveyed into the blood, and circulates with the blood through all the body system, carrying death everywhere; so is the same way the speech of wicked people (intended to) circulate through society, and poison and destroy the reputation of others, and undermine others they envy. Those are the acts of those who slander others, and that is their influence in society, especially among those who have not come to realize the wickedness of such people who are like serpents. From such wicked people who spite out venom, no one’s reputation is safe, no one’s character is protected in the hands of such people, and when faced with such people God alone can shield the innocent from the envenomed tongue and lying lips of such monsters in the shape of men.
Psalm 58: 3-4 are referenced in Deuteronomy 32:33, which states: “Their wine is the venom of serpents, the deadly poison of cobras,” and Psalm 52:3: “You [evil persons] love evil rather than good, falsehood rather than speaking the truth. Take a lot at Psalm 140: 3: They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent's; the poison of vipers is on their lips.”
The bible verse mentioned above demonstrates that truly, while God is a loving God, he doesn’t like Ugly. Ugly in this discussion doesn’t mean structurally or facially ugly (though we know that some evil people are ugly, and the aura around them is dark), the ‘ugly” in this discussion meant to mean “bad.” Badness aimed at destroying the growth and development of others; badness to mean biting the hands that embraces, feeds, or uplifts, you, and or God’s children; badness to put down others, and make leaders ineffective, or attempt to weaken leaders gradually or insidiously. Envenomed tongues that undermine others, particularly leaders are desperate for recognition, and the despersate desire to be in the power of positions. However, what most don’t know is what my friend TKT says: If You Can’t Follow You’ll Never Lead.” As I ponder TKT’s statement, I now understand clearly why it [his statement] is undoubtedly true. First, God believes in proper leadership. Therefore, God invests in leadership. Secondly, how can a person who has not learned to appreciate the good in others be a good leader? How can a person who has never learned to obey be a good leader, or learn basic communication skills, including being a productive part of a team as a follower become an effective leader? A person who hasn’t learned to follow will never be able to lead. In order to become a leader, one must become a good follower first. All great leaders are submitted to someone of a higher authority, and that includes respecting God. The Bible speaks clearly on respect for authority: 1 Peter 2: 13- 14: Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether it be to the king as supreme; or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.”
Pilgrim, having pointed out scriptures that discuss the venomous tongues, and the extend at which lying tongues can go to destroy others. , I will now look at how we relate to listening to negatives/evil and how it impacts our growth. According to the scriptures, Proverbs 17:4 states: "A wicked person listens to deceitful lips; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.” While the verse may sound harsh, I believe that giving an audience to negativity encourages the spread of such negativity. Moreover, I sincerely believe that what we listen to affect our thoughts.
Should you stay in the presence of the wicked? Proverbs 14:7 say, “Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips.” The verse is asking us to stay away from the presence of a foolish man, and for a wicked person, shun his company, depart from him, have no fellowship with him, because such fellowship can be dangerous, infectious, and hurtful.
Is it possible to change the orientation of a Fool, [I am not saying an uneducated person]? Proverbs 23:9 says: Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. Matthew 7: 6 added, "Never give what is holy to dogs or throw your pearls [gems]before pigs. Otherwise, they will trample them with their feet and then turn around and attack you." What does the verse Matthew 7:6 denotes. We know that pearls are precious stones, and thy are used to denote anything precious. Until recently, "Dogs" signify people who spurn, oppose, and abuse; people of intense bitterness and malignity of temper, who growl at and eschew God's gifts. "Swine" signify those who would trample God's gifts and blessings underfoot; people of impurity of life; those who are polluted, corupted profane, and obscene; those who would not know the value of the gifts, God's works and beauty in others, and who would tread them down as swine would tread on pearls. Evidently, Matthew 7: 6 urges us to resist from offering our principle to those sadistic, unclean, and abusive people who would growl and curse you; nor to those especially debased and shameless who would not recognize its value, would trample it down, and later turn around to abuse and attack you.
So what have you gathered from these Bible verses, and from the Universal law about listening to negative? Let's assume you are not a christian; what ever your religious practices, we are all guided by some principles. One such principle is the Universal Law govern the Universe and that help us in our search for peace, stability, and enhance our outlook on issues. The Universal Laws include the Universal Law of attraction, the Universal Law of abundance, the Universal Law of cause and effect, and the list goes on. As we know, the “Universe” means the Universal spirit, God, a higher power, or the eternal power. Proponents of the Universal Laws, (Mahatma Gandhi, School of Metaphysics, among other) believe that the qualities you admire in others, are existing within yourself. And the qualities you resist in yourself, you will also dislike in others and the qualities that you resist and react to in others is often some quality which you are afraid exists within you. So, if you consider these, we can say that to draw positiveness, we need to stop listening to negative, and begin listening to positive if we are to uplift positivenes within ourselves. We also need to stay away, and or remove ourselves from negative people, negative situations and negative environment. In sum, we must simply shut our ears and eyes off to negativity, and to open our hearts to possibility and positiveness, if we are to glow in positiveness! Can you do that?
Pilgrim, as you reach the end of my response to your inquires, I also ask that you read Genesis 13: 3-8 and Gen 21: 8-13, listen to the Great Spirit, our Helper, and Counselor that speaks to us about our own life and guides us, and write down your thoughts.
I hope you find some answers in my response and Bible verses. Take care and let me hear from you again.
Always
musue
I received your communication. The reasons for my delayed response are two-fold: I was traveling out of state; secondly, I wanted to prepare a more enlightened response to your communication. Now, let's look at an excerpt of your letter:
“I met some people, and realized that though we are all proclaiming to be pilgrims; a few of the new acquaintances are constantly undermining our leaders. In addition to their endless opposition to ideas and activities aimed at helping us grow spiritually, and overcome challenges on our journey, these individuals I have come to see as poisonous appear to be more interested in things outside of our spiritual journey, and activities that hinder our spiritual growth. We have met these individuals in small groups to discuss their concerns, but our efforts have been without success. As a Pilgrim, how do I cope with such negativity, without failing in my journey to grow spiritually? Are there scriptures to help me handle, or understand what I need to do with such noxious people?”
Pilgrim, when I read your communication, I thought about a novel. God Don't Like Ugly, written by Mary Monroe! I found this book interesting because the characters loved to gossip and talk about people. The basic plot revolves around a young girl, Annette who is being sexually abused by the live-in border, a one-legged man Mr. Boatwright. Mr. Boatwright was taken in by Annette’s mother. He presents one personality during the day -- cooks for the family, takes Annette to the market with him, to the movies and goes with the family to church and at times is kind to her, and then at night destroys it all by making the innocent child, Annette his victim of sexual abuse.
If I am right, your group encouraged the so-called pilgrims (poisonous individuals) to join you in your religious journey. Secondly, rather than helping to strengthen the mission and visions of the religious journey, the new additions sought to create division, and undermine the leadership of the group, thereby derailing the group’s progress and the spiritual growth of individuals.
I find the new members on your journey similar to the one- legged boarder, Mr. Boatwright in Mary Monroe’s novel, who was taken in by Annette’s mother. Like Mr. Boatwright, who was taken in by Annette’s mother, the so-called pilgrims were encouraged to become a part of your entourage on a religious journey. Similar to Mr. Boatwright who mercilessly sexually abuse his host’s daughter, the so-called pilgrims deliberated selected to undercut the very leaders that opened their arms to them, undermine the vision and mission of the leaders who graciously received them, scandalize the integrity of members, as well as (attempted to) dampen the spiritual growth of individual members. I can imagine the confusion.
As I reflected on your communication, and visualized the scenario, I thought about some bible verses: Psalm 58:3 “These wicked people are born sinners; even from birth they have lied and gone their own way. The next verse, Psalm 58:4 states: They spit venom like deadly snakes; they are like cobras that refuse to listen.” The commentary of the verse is that the poison of wicked people is like the poison of a serpent - When they bite, they transmit poison into the wound, as the serpent does. They not only injure you by outward acts, but by their wickedness and malice they poison your reputation. They do you as much evil as they can, and spread the worst reports that others may look at you with less respect or with hatred, treat you as a bad person. Just as the poison from the bite of the serpent is conveyed into the blood, and circulates with the blood through all the body system, carrying death everywhere; so is the same way the speech of wicked people (intended to) circulate through society, and poison and destroy the reputation of others, and undermine others they envy. Those are the acts of those who slander others, and that is their influence in society, especially among those who have not come to realize the wickedness of such people who are like serpents. From such wicked people who spite out venom, no one’s reputation is safe, no one’s character is protected in the hands of such people, and when faced with such people God alone can shield the innocent from the envenomed tongue and lying lips of such monsters in the shape of men.
Psalm 58: 3-4 are referenced in Deuteronomy 32:33, which states: “Their wine is the venom of serpents, the deadly poison of cobras,” and Psalm 52:3: “You [evil persons] love evil rather than good, falsehood rather than speaking the truth. Take a lot at Psalm 140: 3: They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent's; the poison of vipers is on their lips.”
The bible verse mentioned above demonstrates that truly, while God is a loving God, he doesn’t like Ugly. Ugly in this discussion doesn’t mean structurally or facially ugly (though we know that some evil people are ugly, and the aura around them is dark), the ‘ugly” in this discussion meant to mean “bad.” Badness aimed at destroying the growth and development of others; badness to mean biting the hands that embraces, feeds, or uplifts, you, and or God’s children; badness to put down others, and make leaders ineffective, or attempt to weaken leaders gradually or insidiously. Envenomed tongues that undermine others, particularly leaders are desperate for recognition, and the despersate desire to be in the power of positions. However, what most don’t know is what my friend TKT says: If You Can’t Follow You’ll Never Lead.” As I ponder TKT’s statement, I now understand clearly why it [his statement] is undoubtedly true. First, God believes in proper leadership. Therefore, God invests in leadership. Secondly, how can a person who has not learned to appreciate the good in others be a good leader? How can a person who has never learned to obey be a good leader, or learn basic communication skills, including being a productive part of a team as a follower become an effective leader? A person who hasn’t learned to follow will never be able to lead. In order to become a leader, one must become a good follower first. All great leaders are submitted to someone of a higher authority, and that includes respecting God. The Bible speaks clearly on respect for authority: 1 Peter 2: 13- 14: Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether it be to the king as supreme; or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.”
Pilgrim, having pointed out scriptures that discuss the venomous tongues, and the extend at which lying tongues can go to destroy others. , I will now look at how we relate to listening to negatives/evil and how it impacts our growth. According to the scriptures, Proverbs 17:4 states: "A wicked person listens to deceitful lips; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.” While the verse may sound harsh, I believe that giving an audience to negativity encourages the spread of such negativity. Moreover, I sincerely believe that what we listen to affect our thoughts.
Should you stay in the presence of the wicked? Proverbs 14:7 say, “Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips.” The verse is asking us to stay away from the presence of a foolish man, and for a wicked person, shun his company, depart from him, have no fellowship with him, because such fellowship can be dangerous, infectious, and hurtful.
Is it possible to change the orientation of a Fool, [I am not saying an uneducated person]? Proverbs 23:9 says: Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. Matthew 7: 6 added, "Never give what is holy to dogs or throw your pearls [gems]before pigs. Otherwise, they will trample them with their feet and then turn around and attack you." What does the verse Matthew 7:6 denotes. We know that pearls are precious stones, and thy are used to denote anything precious. Until recently, "Dogs" signify people who spurn, oppose, and abuse; people of intense bitterness and malignity of temper, who growl at and eschew God's gifts. "Swine" signify those who would trample God's gifts and blessings underfoot; people of impurity of life; those who are polluted, corupted profane, and obscene; those who would not know the value of the gifts, God's works and beauty in others, and who would tread them down as swine would tread on pearls. Evidently, Matthew 7: 6 urges us to resist from offering our principle to those sadistic, unclean, and abusive people who would growl and curse you; nor to those especially debased and shameless who would not recognize its value, would trample it down, and later turn around to abuse and attack you.
So what have you gathered from these Bible verses, and from the Universal law about listening to negative? Let's assume you are not a christian; what ever your religious practices, we are all guided by some principles. One such principle is the Universal Law govern the Universe and that help us in our search for peace, stability, and enhance our outlook on issues. The Universal Laws include the Universal Law of attraction, the Universal Law of abundance, the Universal Law of cause and effect, and the list goes on. As we know, the “Universe” means the Universal spirit, God, a higher power, or the eternal power. Proponents of the Universal Laws, (Mahatma Gandhi, School of Metaphysics, among other) believe that the qualities you admire in others, are existing within yourself. And the qualities you resist in yourself, you will also dislike in others and the qualities that you resist and react to in others is often some quality which you are afraid exists within you. So, if you consider these, we can say that to draw positiveness, we need to stop listening to negative, and begin listening to positive if we are to uplift positivenes within ourselves. We also need to stay away, and or remove ourselves from negative people, negative situations and negative environment. In sum, we must simply shut our ears and eyes off to negativity, and to open our hearts to possibility and positiveness, if we are to glow in positiveness! Can you do that?
Pilgrim, as you reach the end of my response to your inquires, I also ask that you read Genesis 13: 3-8 and Gen 21: 8-13, listen to the Great Spirit, our Helper, and Counselor that speaks to us about our own life and guides us, and write down your thoughts.
I hope you find some answers in my response and Bible verses. Take care and let me hear from you again.
Always
musue
Sunday, March 27, 2011
There is Power in Numbers: A Little Prayer for My Friend, Wanda and our Children
Dear Pilgrim,
Thanks for your beautiful communication regarding intercessory prayers, and the importance of fellowship, and or joining hands, (not always literally, but in one accord) to pray about an issue or situation.
Pilgrim, I also believe in intercessory prayers, or prayers of agreement. However, until after reading Joyce Meyer’s book: The Power of Simple Prayer: How to Talk with God about Everything", my understanding of intercessory prayers, and prayers of agreement were unclear. After reading Joyce Meyer’s books, coupled with a few other authors in the field, I assumed that intercessory prayers and prayers of agreement could be carried out by anyone.
What is an intercessory prayer? According to summaries of various definitions, an intercessory prayer is a prayer provided by someone else for another person, or for others.” An intercessor is the one who takes the place of another or pleads another's case, or the one who intercedes.
Are there special people with special positions who can be intercessors, or are there people who have special relationship with God to offer intercessory prayers? I learned from Evangelist and author, Joyce Meyers that those who offer intercessory prayers are not of special class or “super-Christians,” called by God to a specific ministry of intercession. No, no. If that was the case, we would be running here there yonder to identify the few "super Christians" to intercede for us. Remember, the Bible is clear that all Christians are called to be intercessors, because we all have the Holy Spirit in our hearts and, just as He intercedes for us in accordance with God’s will we are to intercede for one another. Being an intercessor is therefore not a privilege limited to a small elite of Christians. In 1 Samuel 12: 23“As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you,” which I understand to mean that it is in fact a sin not to intercede for others. However, Joyce highlights a point, which I found quite agreeable. That is, an intercessor must be in agreement, in order to successful play the role of an intercessor. For me, that means, the intercessor should embrace God's love; the intercessor also welcomes the Holy Spirit within their own heart, and is willing to intercede regarding the situation and issue without any prejudice.
In addition, after reading Meyers’ book and other materials from Max Lucado, T.D Jakes, Kenneth Copeland, among other authors, intercessory Prayers and Prayer of Agreement go hand in hand. That is, the intercessor must be in agreement to plead, or must be in agreement to unite in their belief and conviction, or faith to intercded for the other person, or persons.Can I pray for Wanda if we do not agree? Can you pray for your loved one if you do not agree or do not share similar views on the solution to the problem? Does the scriptures provide agreement that can help us in our faith during prayers?
As Christians, we must look for the fundamental agreement, which can be found in the Word. Read the scriptures, find the Word relating to challenge or the situation and pray according to the Word. For example, to pray about a financial situation Philippians 4:19 states: And my God will liberally supply your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus, while Matthew 18: 19 says: “Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (coordinate our thoughts) about whatever they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in heaven.” Having read just the two scriptures, does the Bible give us the authority or opportunity to pray for our financial need, our needs for food, and clothing? Does the Bible or the scriptures give us the authority to pray for our children, our friends and love ones, or others we feel compassion towards?
Yes, Pilgrim, the Bible tells us that if any two on earth agree, it did not say if any two special people agree, or two most Holy people agree. No. If any two agree, Jesus would be in the midst of that agreement to see that it comes to pass. So, if you agree with another believer anything that lines up with the Word of God, He is there in your midst to carry it out. When I read Copeland’s summary of prayer of agreement, I was quite pleased by the way he described [prayer of] “You must have your spirit, mind and actions in agreement with the Word.” Yes! That is it. When you join to pray with someone, the fundamental ingredients for that intercession and agreement must be whether the SPIRIT, MIND and ACTIONS are at least on the same or similar par.
So my dear Pilgrim, we can pray for our needs and those of others. However, to do so, it is important to fellowship. I believe that through our own individual prayers, getting familiar with the Word, and fellowshipping, we can harmonize together, make a symphony together so that our spirits, minds and actions are in agreement with the Word.”
While agreement makes prayer work, my dear Pilgrim, we must remember as always that disagreement opens the door for the devil and evil spirits to come in, as stated in James 3: 16: “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work”.
Today, let us pray for our friends and our children. As we prayed for my friend Wanda, and our Children, I am aware that we are united in Spirit, our thoughts and actions are in harmony regarding the situations on our hearts as we stand before the throne of God. We believed Jesus is our Lord and Savior, and have faith that our prayer request is within the Word, and it is well.
So in our prayer today, we agree and intercede for Wanda, and our Children:
Dear Lord, we come to you and hereby agree, according to Matthew 18:19 and John 17:15.“Father, we see in Your Word that You will supply all our needs according to Your riches in glory, and we pray as Jesus did for his disciples that our children will be protected from the evil ones in all areas of their lives. We are setting ourselves in agreement that our prayers for Wanda and prayer of peace and protection for our children and all children faced with challenges are met according to Your Word. We ask you God, in the name of Jesus to dispatch angels to surround Wanda and her family; send your angels in the name of Jesus to surround my son, and to surround Pilgrim’s children and all children, so that our children and all children are protected against all physical, emotional and mental incidents, and interferences.. Dear God, you are the mighty healer, do your work in our family and our children from this day forth. Teach us, give us the strength, and wisdom, open doors of opportunities; strengthen us always, mind, body, and spirit to see and protect our children from the thieves, and demolishers.. We thank you for silencing heaven to hear our prayers, we believe your angels are protecting our Children, and they are sheltered against the evil ones, and healed. We establish this agreement, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.”
In unision, let us say: "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." AMEN
At the end of the above prayer, we can always pray, where ever we are. and even as we carry out our household chores. I’ve learned that prayer is not only when you're down on your knees, shouting out to God. Prayers can be simple; like a conversation with God. I pray when I’m in the kitchen, when I am shopping, brushing my teeth, walking down the alley, on the bus or the train, or working on the computer. Truthfully, recently, I fell back again in my prayer life, and the impact is recognizable. I remembered once feeling very guilty about falling back in my prayer life, and when I spoke with a friend, I was reminded that "we all fall, but the important things is to rise". And I read similar reminders in other books, including the bible. I am picking up again, and find myself smiling again that I am continuing on my walk with my Shepherd. I know that I will again be walking on air, as my heart begins to fill with his love; his presence begins to manifest in my life. Don't get me wrong, he is always with us, but the manifestation of his presence is felt when we embrace him.
You may want to know why I am praying for Wanda. Well, have you ever met someone and felt you have known this person throughout your life? Or have you met someone and then it hits you that this person feels like a part of you; when you begin to interact, you begin to wonder how you hold similar views on issues?
Well, Wanda is a friend. We met almost a year ago, and our friendship did not grow rapidly, but it developed really gradually. I have come to see Wanda as a sister. Believe me, outwardly, we are two contrasting individuals, but when we communicate, our ideas are similar. Sometimes, I am amazed at how we tend to use almost the same ideas, or words to describe a situation. We also share similar views about the educational system, and how it influences the development of our children. You will need to observe us to see how we are interchangeable, or how we sometimes hold the same position, or views on a topic, and sometimes utter similar words to concisely describe a situation.
I hope you meet Wanda someday. Until then, lets keep praying for our children, and the children of the world.
always,
musue
Thanks for your beautiful communication regarding intercessory prayers, and the importance of fellowship, and or joining hands, (not always literally, but in one accord) to pray about an issue or situation.
Pilgrim, I also believe in intercessory prayers, or prayers of agreement. However, until after reading Joyce Meyer’s book: The Power of Simple Prayer: How to Talk with God about Everything", my understanding of intercessory prayers, and prayers of agreement were unclear. After reading Joyce Meyer’s books, coupled with a few other authors in the field, I assumed that intercessory prayers and prayers of agreement could be carried out by anyone.
What is an intercessory prayer? According to summaries of various definitions, an intercessory prayer is a prayer provided by someone else for another person, or for others.” An intercessor is the one who takes the place of another or pleads another's case, or the one who intercedes.
Are there special people with special positions who can be intercessors, or are there people who have special relationship with God to offer intercessory prayers? I learned from Evangelist and author, Joyce Meyers that those who offer intercessory prayers are not of special class or “super-Christians,” called by God to a specific ministry of intercession. No, no. If that was the case, we would be running here there yonder to identify the few "super Christians" to intercede for us. Remember, the Bible is clear that all Christians are called to be intercessors, because we all have the Holy Spirit in our hearts and, just as He intercedes for us in accordance with God’s will we are to intercede for one another. Being an intercessor is therefore not a privilege limited to a small elite of Christians. In 1 Samuel 12: 23“As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you,” which I understand to mean that it is in fact a sin not to intercede for others. However, Joyce highlights a point, which I found quite agreeable. That is, an intercessor must be in agreement, in order to successful play the role of an intercessor. For me, that means, the intercessor should embrace God's love; the intercessor also welcomes the Holy Spirit within their own heart, and is willing to intercede regarding the situation and issue without any prejudice.
In addition, after reading Meyers’ book and other materials from Max Lucado, T.D Jakes, Kenneth Copeland, among other authors, intercessory Prayers and Prayer of Agreement go hand in hand. That is, the intercessor must be in agreement to plead, or must be in agreement to unite in their belief and conviction, or faith to intercded for the other person, or persons.Can I pray for Wanda if we do not agree? Can you pray for your loved one if you do not agree or do not share similar views on the solution to the problem? Does the scriptures provide agreement that can help us in our faith during prayers?
As Christians, we must look for the fundamental agreement, which can be found in the Word. Read the scriptures, find the Word relating to challenge or the situation and pray according to the Word. For example, to pray about a financial situation Philippians 4:19 states: And my God will liberally supply your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus, while Matthew 18: 19 says: “Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (coordinate our thoughts) about whatever they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in heaven.” Having read just the two scriptures, does the Bible give us the authority or opportunity to pray for our financial need, our needs for food, and clothing? Does the Bible or the scriptures give us the authority to pray for our children, our friends and love ones, or others we feel compassion towards?
Yes, Pilgrim, the Bible tells us that if any two on earth agree, it did not say if any two special people agree, or two most Holy people agree. No. If any two agree, Jesus would be in the midst of that agreement to see that it comes to pass. So, if you agree with another believer anything that lines up with the Word of God, He is there in your midst to carry it out. When I read Copeland’s summary of prayer of agreement, I was quite pleased by the way he described [prayer of] “You must have your spirit, mind and actions in agreement with the Word.” Yes! That is it. When you join to pray with someone, the fundamental ingredients for that intercession and agreement must be whether the SPIRIT, MIND and ACTIONS are at least on the same or similar par.
So my dear Pilgrim, we can pray for our needs and those of others. However, to do so, it is important to fellowship. I believe that through our own individual prayers, getting familiar with the Word, and fellowshipping, we can harmonize together, make a symphony together so that our spirits, minds and actions are in agreement with the Word.”
While agreement makes prayer work, my dear Pilgrim, we must remember as always that disagreement opens the door for the devil and evil spirits to come in, as stated in James 3: 16: “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work”.
Today, let us pray for our friends and our children. As we prayed for my friend Wanda, and our Children, I am aware that we are united in Spirit, our thoughts and actions are in harmony regarding the situations on our hearts as we stand before the throne of God. We believed Jesus is our Lord and Savior, and have faith that our prayer request is within the Word, and it is well.
So in our prayer today, we agree and intercede for Wanda, and our Children:
Dear Lord, we come to you and hereby agree, according to Matthew 18:19 and John 17:15.“Father, we see in Your Word that You will supply all our needs according to Your riches in glory, and we pray as Jesus did for his disciples that our children will be protected from the evil ones in all areas of their lives. We are setting ourselves in agreement that our prayers for Wanda and prayer of peace and protection for our children and all children faced with challenges are met according to Your Word. We ask you God, in the name of Jesus to dispatch angels to surround Wanda and her family; send your angels in the name of Jesus to surround my son, and to surround Pilgrim’s children and all children, so that our children and all children are protected against all physical, emotional and mental incidents, and interferences.. Dear God, you are the mighty healer, do your work in our family and our children from this day forth. Teach us, give us the strength, and wisdom, open doors of opportunities; strengthen us always, mind, body, and spirit to see and protect our children from the thieves, and demolishers.. We thank you for silencing heaven to hear our prayers, we believe your angels are protecting our Children, and they are sheltered against the evil ones, and healed. We establish this agreement, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.”
In unision, let us say: "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." AMEN
At the end of the above prayer, we can always pray, where ever we are. and even as we carry out our household chores. I’ve learned that prayer is not only when you're down on your knees, shouting out to God. Prayers can be simple; like a conversation with God. I pray when I’m in the kitchen, when I am shopping, brushing my teeth, walking down the alley, on the bus or the train, or working on the computer. Truthfully, recently, I fell back again in my prayer life, and the impact is recognizable. I remembered once feeling very guilty about falling back in my prayer life, and when I spoke with a friend, I was reminded that "we all fall, but the important things is to rise". And I read similar reminders in other books, including the bible. I am picking up again, and find myself smiling again that I am continuing on my walk with my Shepherd. I know that I will again be walking on air, as my heart begins to fill with his love; his presence begins to manifest in my life. Don't get me wrong, he is always with us, but the manifestation of his presence is felt when we embrace him.
You may want to know why I am praying for Wanda. Well, have you ever met someone and felt you have known this person throughout your life? Or have you met someone and then it hits you that this person feels like a part of you; when you begin to interact, you begin to wonder how you hold similar views on issues?
Well, Wanda is a friend. We met almost a year ago, and our friendship did not grow rapidly, but it developed really gradually. I have come to see Wanda as a sister. Believe me, outwardly, we are two contrasting individuals, but when we communicate, our ideas are similar. Sometimes, I am amazed at how we tend to use almost the same ideas, or words to describe a situation. We also share similar views about the educational system, and how it influences the development of our children. You will need to observe us to see how we are interchangeable, or how we sometimes hold the same position, or views on a topic, and sometimes utter similar words to concisely describe a situation.
I hope you meet Wanda someday. Until then, lets keep praying for our children, and the children of the world.
always,
musue
Monday, March 7, 2011
Are you an Adulterer or an Adulteress?
Dear Pilgrim,
I received your response to my communication. I do hope that someday, you may feel comfortable to post your communication on this medium, so that others may also benefit from our discussions.
In your communication, you proposed that we delve more into the Bible verse, James 4: 4-10, that Bishop Darlingston Johnson used to preach on Adulterers and Adulteresses, and Friendship with the world. Bishop’s theme may not have been “Adulterers and Adulteresses,” but the topic seems appropriate for our discussion. Doesn’t it?
Bishop Johnson drove through his sermon using an anecdote of an adulterous woman, to illustrate how God feels when we move outside of our relationship with him, to become more attracted to the world as a friend. Not Bishop’s exact word, but his story of the adulterous wife went in this manner:
Imagine a woman who’s married to a faithful loving man. But the wife is not prepared to fully give her heart, nor spend her time with her husband. Why did she get married in the first place? Bishop went on to explain that in such relationships, there is the tendency for the person the wife is engage in extra marital affairs with to point at the husband and make derogatory comments such as, “You say you married the woman, but I’m sleeping with her,” or “You have the ring, but I have the woman.” That is the same way it is when we stray in our relationship with Christ. Like the good husband, who has an adulterous wife, God has given him-self fully and completely to us, so it is not unreasonable to give ourselves fully to him. Bishop said, “When we engage is adultery or adulterous act, by our actions, we become the enemy. God doesn’t hate us, but by our actions we are the enemy.”
Bishop went onto portray what an adulterous woman’s action is like: The adulterous woman’s extra martial affair is a demonstration of dishonor, towards her husband, who loves his wife, and a destruction of the relationship. By being adulterous, the wife demonstrates hatred; she brings dishonor, and ultimate betrayal and shame to the husband and the relationship, as well as her family.
Pilgrim, the adulterous woman is aware of her husband’s love for her, and like us, we tend to take advantage of God’s love for us by engaging in extra ordinary sins like the adulterous wife. We exploit God’s love and mercy by living an adulterous lifestyle. Bishop said, “As bad as it is for a woman to engage in an adulterous act to a man even if he is not the best man, can you imagine that it is exceedingly wicked for a woman to engage in adulterous act to a man who loves her? That makes her adultery exceedingly adulterous; her abomination to be exceedingly abominatious and her wickedness exceedingly wicked.” Drawing on the scenario of the adulterous woman and her loving husband to explain God’s love for us, Bishop said, “Apply this to our relationship with Jesus, and how our relationship with the world is hatred towards God.” When Bishop underscored how our relationship with the world can draw us away from God, I recalled my parents' words of wisdom: “be careful, the whole world is under the control of the devil.” I also reflected on some bible verses, including ones from my school days: 1 John 2:15 - Do not love the world, or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 1 John 2: 16 - For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.
My eyes filled with tears as I sat through the sermon that Sunday. Isn’t it shameful to disregard God’s love, and also allow the evil ones to taunt God because of his love for us? Imagine being engaged in such wayward acts, and actions that are considered exceedingly adulterous, or exceedingly abomination and or wickedness that is exceedingly wicked. If Spiritual adultery grieves the heart of God, and makes him jealous, I can’t help wondering about other acts that are more unrefined. It hurts. Doesn’t it? Imagine when we give ourselves so freely to the ones we love, and our love is unacknowledged, and sometimes disregarded, and shunned. Think about that for a second. If it hurts us as human beings, think about God who created us, he looked at us, and smile thinking about the wonderful things he has planned for our lives. He invests in us, and watches us grow. Of course, he is jealous of us, because he wants the best for us. James 4: 5 says – “Or do you think the Scripture means nothing when it says that the Spirit that God caused to live in us jealously yearns for us?” He tries to protect us from the evils of the world, but then along the way, we turn our backs, and we get deeply entrenched in the world. God loves us so much, and he has made a lot of investment in each of us. That is why his jealously should be understood. God placed within us his Holy Spirit, God wants to see us prosper and not fail; God is jealous because he considers our body his temple, and not something to be tampered with by any acts that will make us unclean. Isn’t it therefore reasonable that he is jealous, and feels dishonored when we are deeply seduced by the world?
Bishop Johnson then talked about ways we can learn to live right with God. As I listened to the sermon, I began asking myself many questions: How does the world destroy our lives? What is the purpose of my life? Would I want to wear the crown that brings honor or dishonor? Remember Pilgrim, it was during our discussion on those issues and the questions that we began to brainstorm further in ways to walk in His path. We agreed after reading and researching the Word that God did not design the world to make us deny him [God]. Rather, it is when we develop affections for the world, including obsession with the things of the world, anxiety over money, material things and worldly goals; when we believe following God is too restricting, and begin to look for like-minded people who desire temporary pleasures that dishonor our relationship with God, and betray God.
Pilgrim, did you have the time to look at Bible stories and verses on the things of the world, and our relations with God in the following Bible verses: Matt 6:24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.” Matt 6:21 “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”
What happens if we are deeply seduced by the World? Bishop Johnson said, while God resists the proud, He is willing to give grace to the humble. Pilgrim, my heart felt heavy when Bishop explained that even when we become Adulterers or adulteresses in our relationship with God, God still loves us. Imagine that! Bishop referred the congregation to James. 4:6 but he gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:7 states, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:8 also says: “Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
Pilgrim, after our discussion on the topic, I thought about out struggles with the system of the world, and all I could do was pray to God. My prayers went in this fashion:
Dear God, I open my heart to you, and ask that your peace fill me. Give me wisdom, and strength to keep my eyes on you. Give me strength to resist the things of the world. Help me to be Faithful in my service to you dear God. In my marriage and home, provide me strength and honor as my clothing; and a good man who is upright in your sight, and who respects and loves his family. Teach me to always bless my family, and raise my children to grow in your words dear God. Teach me to relax in your loving care, dear God, and to release all my cares to you, knowing that you are upholding me and sustaining me in all that I do. Amen
I look forward to hearing from you Pilgrim, as I continue to feast on His word.
Sincerely,
Musue
I received your response to my communication. I do hope that someday, you may feel comfortable to post your communication on this medium, so that others may also benefit from our discussions.
In your communication, you proposed that we delve more into the Bible verse, James 4: 4-10, that Bishop Darlingston Johnson used to preach on Adulterers and Adulteresses, and Friendship with the world. Bishop’s theme may not have been “Adulterers and Adulteresses,” but the topic seems appropriate for our discussion. Doesn’t it?
Bishop Johnson drove through his sermon using an anecdote of an adulterous woman, to illustrate how God feels when we move outside of our relationship with him, to become more attracted to the world as a friend. Not Bishop’s exact word, but his story of the adulterous wife went in this manner:
Imagine a woman who’s married to a faithful loving man. But the wife is not prepared to fully give her heart, nor spend her time with her husband. Why did she get married in the first place? Bishop went on to explain that in such relationships, there is the tendency for the person the wife is engage in extra marital affairs with to point at the husband and make derogatory comments such as, “You say you married the woman, but I’m sleeping with her,” or “You have the ring, but I have the woman.” That is the same way it is when we stray in our relationship with Christ. Like the good husband, who has an adulterous wife, God has given him-self fully and completely to us, so it is not unreasonable to give ourselves fully to him. Bishop said, “When we engage is adultery or adulterous act, by our actions, we become the enemy. God doesn’t hate us, but by our actions we are the enemy.”
Bishop went onto portray what an adulterous woman’s action is like: The adulterous woman’s extra martial affair is a demonstration of dishonor, towards her husband, who loves his wife, and a destruction of the relationship. By being adulterous, the wife demonstrates hatred; she brings dishonor, and ultimate betrayal and shame to the husband and the relationship, as well as her family.
Pilgrim, the adulterous woman is aware of her husband’s love for her, and like us, we tend to take advantage of God’s love for us by engaging in extra ordinary sins like the adulterous wife. We exploit God’s love and mercy by living an adulterous lifestyle. Bishop said, “As bad as it is for a woman to engage in an adulterous act to a man even if he is not the best man, can you imagine that it is exceedingly wicked for a woman to engage in adulterous act to a man who loves her? That makes her adultery exceedingly adulterous; her abomination to be exceedingly abominatious and her wickedness exceedingly wicked.” Drawing on the scenario of the adulterous woman and her loving husband to explain God’s love for us, Bishop said, “Apply this to our relationship with Jesus, and how our relationship with the world is hatred towards God.” When Bishop underscored how our relationship with the world can draw us away from God, I recalled my parents' words of wisdom: “be careful, the whole world is under the control of the devil.” I also reflected on some bible verses, including ones from my school days: 1 John 2:15 - Do not love the world, or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 1 John 2: 16 - For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.
My eyes filled with tears as I sat through the sermon that Sunday. Isn’t it shameful to disregard God’s love, and also allow the evil ones to taunt God because of his love for us? Imagine being engaged in such wayward acts, and actions that are considered exceedingly adulterous, or exceedingly abomination and or wickedness that is exceedingly wicked. If Spiritual adultery grieves the heart of God, and makes him jealous, I can’t help wondering about other acts that are more unrefined. It hurts. Doesn’t it? Imagine when we give ourselves so freely to the ones we love, and our love is unacknowledged, and sometimes disregarded, and shunned. Think about that for a second. If it hurts us as human beings, think about God who created us, he looked at us, and smile thinking about the wonderful things he has planned for our lives. He invests in us, and watches us grow. Of course, he is jealous of us, because he wants the best for us. James 4: 5 says – “Or do you think the Scripture means nothing when it says that the Spirit that God caused to live in us jealously yearns for us?” He tries to protect us from the evils of the world, but then along the way, we turn our backs, and we get deeply entrenched in the world. God loves us so much, and he has made a lot of investment in each of us. That is why his jealously should be understood. God placed within us his Holy Spirit, God wants to see us prosper and not fail; God is jealous because he considers our body his temple, and not something to be tampered with by any acts that will make us unclean. Isn’t it therefore reasonable that he is jealous, and feels dishonored when we are deeply seduced by the world?
Bishop Johnson then talked about ways we can learn to live right with God. As I listened to the sermon, I began asking myself many questions: How does the world destroy our lives? What is the purpose of my life? Would I want to wear the crown that brings honor or dishonor? Remember Pilgrim, it was during our discussion on those issues and the questions that we began to brainstorm further in ways to walk in His path. We agreed after reading and researching the Word that God did not design the world to make us deny him [God]. Rather, it is when we develop affections for the world, including obsession with the things of the world, anxiety over money, material things and worldly goals; when we believe following God is too restricting, and begin to look for like-minded people who desire temporary pleasures that dishonor our relationship with God, and betray God.
Pilgrim, did you have the time to look at Bible stories and verses on the things of the world, and our relations with God in the following Bible verses: Matt 6:24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.” Matt 6:21 “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”
What happens if we are deeply seduced by the World? Bishop Johnson said, while God resists the proud, He is willing to give grace to the humble. Pilgrim, my heart felt heavy when Bishop explained that even when we become Adulterers or adulteresses in our relationship with God, God still loves us. Imagine that! Bishop referred the congregation to James. 4:6 but he gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:7 states, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:8 also says: “Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
Pilgrim, after our discussion on the topic, I thought about out struggles with the system of the world, and all I could do was pray to God. My prayers went in this fashion:
Dear God, I open my heart to you, and ask that your peace fill me. Give me wisdom, and strength to keep my eyes on you. Give me strength to resist the things of the world. Help me to be Faithful in my service to you dear God. In my marriage and home, provide me strength and honor as my clothing; and a good man who is upright in your sight, and who respects and loves his family. Teach me to always bless my family, and raise my children to grow in your words dear God. Teach me to relax in your loving care, dear God, and to release all my cares to you, knowing that you are upholding me and sustaining me in all that I do. Amen
I look forward to hearing from you Pilgrim, as I continue to feast on His word.
Sincerely,
Musue
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