Dear Pilgrim,
I received your recent phone text message about forgiveness. You wanted to know about the importance of forgiveness, and how it relates to God’s Word. I’m certain that your inquiry is not just about the many Bible verses on forgiveness. Am I right? I did a little personal search in the Bible on forgiveness and came out with few, including the following: John 2:9: Mat 6:12, Rom 12:19.
As I skimmed through just a few of the numerous Bible verses, my mind became filled with some of the challenging situations we faced, and how these situations negatively affected our lives, and the lives of our families. Since reflection on these situations became overwhelming, I decided to reach out to my pastor, Bishop Johnson, and other friends. My pastor was unavailable. I then diverted my course, and stopped at my friend’s home. Old man Tony was sitting on his porch with his usual volumes of books. As I approached his porch, Old man Tony shifted his glasses, allowing it to reach the edge of his nose. He then tilted his head downward as he peered in my direction. “Hi MaMus, what brought you here this afternoon,” he said with a broad infectious smile. I looked at Old man Tony; my face took on a moment’s smile. “I want to cross reference some issues with you, Mr. Tony,” I said walking briskly towards him.
“Oh, come and sit besides me, you know you can always come over. But I hope I can help you with whatever you want to talk about,” Old man Tony said, as he quickly tossed over some books from a baboon chair nearby. I quickly stole a glance at the books, the magazines, and papers Old man Tony had easily hurled from the chair he now pushed my way.
I sat down in the chair, leaned backward, and immediately became a part of Old man Tony’s environment. We chatted briefly about the books he had been reading, he skimmed at the books I carried, as we slowly transitioned to the purpose of my unannounced visit.
Old man Tony’s eyes warmed when I brought out the issue of “Forgiveness,” I asked, to what extend can forgiveness impact our personal and spiritual lives. I then elaborated a bit on my own understanding of Forgiveness. I made reference to the Bible, and some of the basic teachings. I explained some of the things in church and out of church, for instance about the creed: "I believe in the forgiveness of sins." I then told Old man Tony that when I prayed the Lord’s Prayer, rather than say “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, “I say, “And forgive me my trespasses, and teach me to forgive those who trespass against me.” As unorthodox as it may sound, or appear, I look to God for strength, and guidance in my pursuit of forgiveness, and to let the past remain the past, because pulling on the ugly past takes away my focus from the present, and the future.
Old man Tony gently stroke his beardless chin, he tapped his pen on the temple of his head, and said, “Forgiveness in a tricky issue, and God is aware of the importance of us learning to forgive. It is hard MaMus. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single injury, but to forgive incessant provocations- to keep on forgiving the bossy sister, the bullying and abusive husband, the nagging wife, the distrustful spouse, the selfish children, and the deceitful friend. How do we do it,” Old man Tony said the words easily as he stared far ahead? And then the momentary silence that perhaps was less than a second was eering, and felt like 65 minutes. I stared in the direction of Old man Tony, but my thoughts were occupied by own experiences during my pregnancy, and when I had my Child – the bullying, the physical cruelty, the emotional mistreatment, and other deliberate and brutal aggressions. Deep down in my heart, I pity the aggressors, and that means for me, I no longer hope to revenge their deliberate and cruel treatment against me and my son. It did take me a while, and by that, I mean several years to reach this point. I then reached for Old man Tony’s Bible; I quickly turned the pages to Rom 12:14-21, which I paraphrased to understand as “Don't pay back bad with bad to anyone. See that your behavior is above criticism. Never take vengeance into your own hands, says the Lord: stand back and let God do the punishment if he will. For it is written: "It is mine to avenge, I will repay," says the Lord. And it is also written. Don't allow yourself to be overpowered by evil. Take the offensive--overpower evil with good.”
Old man Tony then looked at me and said, “You have got the answers, so why come to me?” I then informed him that I had a discussion with another Pilgrim, whose views about forgiveness sounded complex. I quickly referred to one of my favorites author, Max Lucado word on forgiveness, "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!" .
Old man Tony then uttered another of Max Lucado powerful statements from his [Lucado’s] book When God Whispers Your Name, “The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take."
We laughed, because I have read a lot of Lucado’s book, including, When God Whispers Your Name, but little did I know that Old man Tony also read Lucado’s work.
Our similar interests brought a sense of easy informality and to our discussion. I had known that we both read T.D Jakes, Joyce Meyers, and Jill Rigby, among other line of authors, but apparently both of us didn’t feel the need to push the other about including new authors on our book lists.
Old man Tony asked, "which of Lucado's books did you first read?" I responded, "The first Lucado’s book I read was, Six Hours One Friday: Living the Power of the Cross. While reading that book, I got the Lucado’s bug because of two key things: the richness of the materials, and his writing style. Since then I have read almost all of Lucado’s books, including, “Outlive Your Life: You Were Made to Make a Difference, He Chose the Nails: What God Did to Claim Your Heart, Traveling Light: Releasing the Burdens You Were Never Intended to Bear , A Gentle Thunder: Hearing God Through the Storm, Come Thirsty/Traveling Light/Next Door Savior: Three Life Changing Books in One Volume,” among many others.
Old man Tony then reverted to our topic by cleverly asking, “How do you know when you have forgiven?” I was stunned by the directness of his question, but I quickly went deep within, and carefully chose words and phrases that I hope would convey my position on the issue: I sometimes feel that I know that I am in the midst of forgiveness because I no longer want to revenge, and I sense a sort of freedom. I look at where I am today. Before today, I envisioned the sort of revenge I would take on those who deliberately pursued and hurt me and my son. At that time, I was bitter and felt imprisoned, but today I pity the aggressors, and I feel sorry for the perpetrators. However, my level of forgiveness doesn’t mean that I trust those who were calculative in brutally hurting us. No, No, don’t get me wrong Old man Tony. The world is filled with evil, and my forgiveness doesn’t mean those who trespassed against us have in any way recognized the effect of their actions on me, an unborn child, and later an innocent child. They may, or may not be quite aware of the level of effects their ill actions had on my son but, that's not the issue. The issue is where I am today. I am moving forward, taking the necessary actions to heal our wounds, and live a purposeful life.
As I spoke, Old man Tony sat attentively, looking deeply in my face. I paused, in the hope that he would comment, but he said, "go on."
And I continued, " As I was saying, when I sought revenge, I was bitter, but now, I realized that I was imprisoned because of their actions, but they lived their lives; and I gradually reached where I am, and vowed not to get my path interrupted.”
Old man Tony then asked, "supposed they try contacting you" I responded, , "I did received a communication recently, and have taken the necessary steps regarding such actions. I had thought that they knew better than to make any such attempt. That's because our situation was beyond minimal, it was incessant and required the intervention of groups that dealt with such situations."
As I spoke, Old man Tony kept a hint of smile on his face, and nodded. Old man Tony then asked me, "what specificially helped you reach the level you are at in your forgiveness? I responded, “In the past, I tried, putting all my efforts into understanding why our aggressors did what they did, but later I learned that to try to understand their frame of mind, and to figure out the Why would be futile. I then recognized, after talking to trusted people, listening to others, and reading that a life well lived is my best revenge, or to be out it nicely, my best course of action. Instead of focusing on my wounded feelings and fears, which would mean giving the giving, the person(s) who caused me pain power over my life, I learned to look for peace, beauty and kindness, and embrace love around me. And my philosophy is that Forgiveness is a personal weapon that gives personal power.”
Old man Tony then heaved a sigh of relief. He pushed his glasses off, dangling it in one hand. He gazed, then took in a deep breathe, pulled himself forward in his chair, as if to reach my ears. Then he said, “Look he said, I am not your Pastor, and I think your Pastor, and the Church Ministers have their own challenges with Forgiveness. But I can tell you where I am at when it comes to forgiveness. I believe God knows our weakness, and try as much as we can; it all boils down to whether we can trust those who hurt us. I can give water to the person or persons who deliberately hurt me badly. I can offer a ride to the person who was disloyal to me, or betrayed me. I can buy groceries for an ex. I can tell my ex wife that I will help pay her car insurance bill, but does that mean she can become my wife again. Can I get into partnership with a ex business partner who planned, then took the time to reach the bank, sign a check, cash the check and diverted the funds into their personal bank account without my knowledge?”
Old man Tony, sat back, erect in his chair, and continued, “In my view, Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or overlooking of their action. What I am after is to find peace. In my opinion, Forgiveness can be defined as the "peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story."
With that, Old man Tony, sat back in his seat and began tapping his pen on the edge of his seat. He gave me a wide smile, and our discussion moved from religion to politics. We chatted on a wide range of issues.
I left Old man Tony’s home with a lot to ponder about on forgiveness. I do hope my thoughts, and my discussion with Old man Tony will also provide someone insights on the challenge of Forgiveness.
Always,
musue
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