The Marriage Counselor: What is the Bedrock of Your Happiness?

Dear Pilgrim,

I pray that this new day brings great things to you and your family. I pray that the weeks ahead give you patience to face the challenges ahead. At my end, I am learning to find patience to endure whatever it is I am facing and will face in the coming days, weeks, months and years. I am learning to look toward God, fully aware that He will give me understanding and clarity of my purpose in life. I want to be patient; knowing that he has not forgotten about me. Oh, yes, I am aware of his promises, I believe his promises, but I am still learning to demonstrate my awareness and belief in His promises for me. So let the “Judges” take care in making judgments about my spirituality and belief in God. Say AMEN to that!

I am learning to wait on God in the matter of being prayerful , thankful and praising God in advance for what is about to take place in my life. Isaiah 40:31: "Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” So I want to wait on God with a spirit of great expectations. “Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” (Romans 12:12)

And to you my brethren; particularly those faced with family challenges; those dealing with relationship problems, God wants you to be happy; God wants your family to be happy. The bible clearly tells us this in Jeremiah 29:11:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”

Pilgrim, today in our society, we are aware that there are many of us burdened by problems that take away our happiness. While we desire and seek happiness, let us remember that money, wealth and material things shouldn’t be the benchmark for happiness. For we know that there are many things in this world that can bring us temporary joy and happiness – plenty money, business success, good health, smiling family, large number of friends. But we know that no worldly thing can bring lasting joy and happiness. That’s because, we might become poor; we may lose our jobs; we can fail at business; we can become sick and lose our health, or, by separation or death, lose our partners, or spouse or our friends, and then the happiness that borders on any of those things will be gone. This tells us that life is far more valuable than possessing even all the world, but if we live a purely selfish life we will lose it.

In Matthew 10:39, Jesus taught: "He that findeth his life [life outside of God’s will] shall lose it: and he that loseth [look beyond worldly] his life for my sake shall find it". Clearly, Jesus wants his disciples to know an important truth about life and happiness. Denying [one] self, [of worldly things, material things] so as to believe and obey God is the way to life and happiness. The humble, selfless, teachable [apt and willing to learn] person who allows him/her to be disciplined by God’s word is the truly happy one - not the one who lives and or craves for wealth or for self! Let’s look again at the preceding sentence. In that sentence, we see that the first person is God-centered, and worships God; the second person is self-centered and in reality only worships self! Say AMEN to that!

Remember, throughout the Good Book, Jesus did not promise His disciples that they will sleep or walk on “bed of roses” or receive things on “silver platter.” Jesus promised his guidance, and help and producing peace of mind and true happiness in believing in the Words of God. By keeping our eyes on God, and by recognizing and appreciating the good things he has given us, we will experience inner peace and happiness in the knowledge that God is our Heavenly Father; that he loves us; cares for us and that no matter what circumstances we face, God’s plans for us are good.

What happiness do we then desire: temporary or enduring happiness?
Given what we have read in the Bible, and based on our experiences in life, we can say with confidence that large flow of cash gives temporary happiness, because while that cash flows, we become engrossed in acquiring more cash and ensuring that the flow continues without halt. However, when we depend on the cash for happiness, and that flow becomes disrupted, we lose our happiness. We also know that expensive and fancy cars can break down and become irreparable. If we hold on to that car for happiness, when it crashes, it carries with it our happiness. If we depend on our pocket to fulfill our roles in bringing harmony in our family, when our pockets become low or empty, we become sad and unhappy thereby bringing stress and unhappiness to our family. If our happiness in dependent on job; when we lose the job we then revert to being sad – what a state of zig-zag-ness! The fact is no condition is permanent.

On the other hand, if we appreciate God’s blessings - even the smallest good things in our lives, we will appreciate his love and then embrace happiness in our lives. We must recognize that God wants you and your family life to be happy. His Word, the Bible, provides guidelines for each family member; describing the role that God wants each one to play. When family members fulfill their roles in harmony with God’s guidance and direction, the results are very satisfying. Jesus said: “Happy are those hearing the word of God and keeping it!”—Luke 11:28. That’s because the more we hear something, the more we like it - it grows on us, and it takes over us.
Family happiness depends mainly on our recognizing that the family originates with God, the one Jesus called “Our Father.”(Matthew 6:9) Every family on earth exists because of our heavenly Father—and he certainly knows what makes families happy. (Ephesians 3:14, 15)

Let’s look at two bible verses that speak directly to our hearts about worldly things: Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.” Ecclesiastes 7:14 also states:
“When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.”

Like American author, Dale Carnegie, (1888-1955) said, “Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.”

Remember always that God’s plans for us are good. If we learn to appreciate the little things in our lives, we are bound to see the great things God has for us. However, if we continue to grieve, become sad and allow our sadness, anger and frustrations to steal the happiness and peace of those around us, we are bound to remain blind to the small windows of opportunities before us. In Matthew 6-33, Jesus promised that real, lasting happiness, along with God’s provision of all our essential needs, will be ours, if we "seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.”

As you prepare for another day, remember, God wants you to succeed and prosper, and He has given you the blueprint to make you happy!

Therefore, rather than dwell on the challenges and begin thinking negatively, why not begin to look at the positives and be thankful for what God is doing and has done in your life. Listen to the voice of God to gain wisdom and understanding. Most of all, fear not the difficulties, the frustrations and circumstances of life but rather lean on God for guidance and understanding, and you will begin to see the good things in your life. Remember that like a parent who loves and cherishes his/her child, and wishes good deeds for that child, God has invested heavily in you, and His plans for you and for all of his children are good.

Always,
musue